Russian pilots shot down an American drone to hide shocking information (black box data)

Today divers of the Black Sea Fleet of the Russian Federation managed to find and decipher the “black box” of the American drone “MQ-9 Reaper” shot down by Putin’s falcons over the Black Sea. The information contained in it is the main military secret of the Russian army. Below is a fragment of the negotiations between the American operators of the ill-fated drone.

“Let’s fly a little closer and destroy the orphanage, kindergarten, children’s world, the house of children’s and youth creativity, as well as the library … Houston, we have problems, two Russian fighters for ten hours! I see Russian pilots, oh my God, yes they wank… (unintelligible) Fuu! … noticed that we took a picture of them wanking… Dumping fuel… No, it’s not fuel! Phew!.. Fuuuu!!” (End of record).

On the one hand, nothing is clear. On the other hand, the scale of the phenomenon, which the deceitful American operators of the bloody drone are dirtyly hinting at, seems to have acquired such a large scale in the Russian army that Yevgeny Prigozhin himself, the artistic director of the Wagner PMC, became worried. Desperate to fight him privately, Prigogine went to the gay section of the porn site “Pornhub” and paid for the commercial “Stop jerking off, go fight!”.

“No, thank you, sir,” the Russian army replied to Prigozhin and posted on the Internet a porn video of a high-ranking and very handsome Russian general Matovnikov. The video set a record for views. Spicy cases in the guard became more frequent. The command issued a secret order for the liberation troops of the regular army on Ukrainian territory: anyone caught by the locals for masturbation, especially in a stoned state, must present himself as a Wagner employee. Prigozhin did not lose his head and ordered Wagner employees to introduce themselves as regular army soldiers in similar situations. Alas, this did not solve the problem.

Prigozhin faced a man-made shell shortage… Even his bosom friend Kadyrov turned his back on him.

Then Prigogine collected convicts from colonies and sent them to the front so that they would personally wean the Russian knights from a bad habit, but they only laughed off with Russian army proverbs and sayings about “a miserable likeness of the left hand.” Babs died in vain. Prigozhin did not give up and opened the Wagnerenok youth club in St. Petersburg, whose pupils were to be brought up according to the strict canons of typical Russian spirituality. However, one day, when Prigozhin went on a business trip to the front, lieutenant Rzhevsky came to the club and taught the “wagner” one interesting thing. Prigozhin returned, clutched his head, slipped and fell.

Consolidating success, the command of the Russian army sent special secret troops to the front line, broadcasting the moans of Polish women over a distance of up to 4 kilometers. Formally, this was done in order to force the Ukrainian punishers to surrender, but we understand. It’s no secret that for a Russian soldier there is nothing more exciting than the groans of Polish women, and, of course, German women. The Russian offensive on all fronts literally choked. And Prigozhin faced a man-made shell shortage… Even his bosom friend Kadyrov turned his back on him. On the eve of March 8, Ramzan’s beloved horse was stolen, and Kadyrbashi was forced to equalize the hormonal imbalance on his own.

It is said that those who practice such martial arts grow hair on their arms and lose their eyesight, so what? The other day, Kadyrov went to Putin’s appointment with a cheat sheet, and there were letters of such a size that it’s scary to think how much exercise you need to make your eyes pop out like that! About the hair on the hands, and so everything is clear. Putin was very pleased. He himself, of course, has already left big-time sports, but he does not shun coaching, generously sharing special tricks with young people, for example: “If nothing interferes, you can lie down and grunt right away.”


Stupid Prigozhin did not understand why the Russian people make such extensive use of this especially spiritual bond. Meanwhile, the answer lies on the surface. The sponsor of the “Russian world” with the eloquent surname Malofeev formulated it best of all the other day: “This is our uniqueness, this is our task – to be a stronghold of the forces of good, to stand against the advancing world evil. When Russia can no longer restrain the onslaught of this evil, the world will end .Maybe it will happen this year.” Among the churched Russian people, this is called “pulling the sluggishness.” Once you try it, it’s very hard to stop.

Vasily Rybnikov

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